Random candy!

Please

2012-02-03T23:42:00.003+11:00

be aware that I hate myself for everything in the past 3 years.
I know I'm a terrible person.
And I don't know how to fix it.

Your forgiveness is not enough when I cannot forgive myself.

Dear George Negus

2011-03-28T22:53:00.002+11:00

Ok, yes, I get it, alcohol is bad.
Trust me, working in a psych ward I see all sorts of people who would be MUCH better off without consuming the amount that they do.

But seriously, claiming Disulfiram (Antabuse) is a cure-all is just wrong.
Sure, it makes people violently ill if they consume alcohol, but in no way does it address the behaviour and response patterns that person has been developing since they were old enough to hold their head up (and no that is not an exaggeration).
And it's the response patterns that are the key here.

You can take away their weapon, but they'll just find another one.
You take away the alcohol, they'll just find another substance, likely to be uncontrolled, of which the short (and long) term effects are unknown.

Add to this the potential risks of Disulfiram itself.
As I'm sure you're aware, most GP's are crap, and will not tell you about the side effects of a drug. And even when they do, a fair percentage of people will ignore them, because we've developed into a society where the internet gets more respect than an MBBS graduate.
Which means that the people taking Disulfiram are at risk here.

I'm sure you're aware that chronic alcoholics are screwed due to not only liver disease, but an increased risk of cardiac illness, and not to mention being generally unhealthy.
Add to this, side effects including shortness of breath, postural hypotension (fainting/feeling dizzy when you stand up), and circulatory collapse....

THIS, George Negus, is why Disulfiram is not widely prescribed.
Please stop pretending to be a doctor.

2011-02-08T00:18:00.002+11:00

I AM TOTALLY IN THE MOOD FOR MACADAMIA CARAMEL CHOC TART.
But I'm being good, and it's 18 past midnight...
I think if i started cooking there might be an issue.
On the other hand, I only got up at like, 2pm

So I've started working now.
Which isn't a massive thing in the grand scheme of things,
since the average Gen Y-er has.... well....
a lot of jobs.

BUT for me, myself?
It's pretty monumental.
Prior to this, I've only ever walked junk mail as a method of money-getting.
And now I'm a nurse.
A NURSE.

A nurse who works in the psych ward no less.
It's pretty awesome/fun.
And it's nice to have something positive in my life.

I'm actually doing something to help others that doesn't hurt me in the process.
And it feels amazing :)

new year, new me?

2011-01-23T03:07:00.003+11:00

So I started writing a post
and then I realised it got FAR too philosophical for 3AM
and then I realised I should go to bed
but I havn't.

Some things change,
but not me.
Maybe I mature a little.
Realise that babies are too much hard work.
But that I'm in love and should stop being a douche.

But I still stay up til 3AM
doing nothing but watching telly
and chilling on the internet.

(AND I STILL MANAGED TO GET MODERATELY PHILOSOPHICAL.)
(FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-)

it's at 3:40am that I realise...

2010-10-25T03:42:00.002+11:00

I really have not learnt a single thing whilst at uni.

Well, ok, so I know how to be a nurse.
But I still don't know how to NOT pull an all nighter before an assignment is due.
Well technically this one was due monday last week.

I kind of spent the week being all: OH GOD, I DON'T HAVE A GRADUATE YEAR, WHY EVEN BOTHER.
so now an essay that's worth 50% of my unit mark is going to be 4 days late.
(if i hand it in before 9am, it will be stamped with Friday's date.)

And now, even though I have a grad year and have a reason to do this essay, I still can't be bothered doing it.
At this point I'm thinking: Well, it's already 4 days late, what's one more day?

BUT I AM GOING TO DO IT.
BECAUSE I AM RESPONSIBLE AND WILL MAKE A FANTASTIC NURSE.

brb, essay.
xo

2010-08-06T23:39:00.002+10:00

my chest is constantly aching.
and i'm really quite sick of it.

i'm on placement these next three weeks.
but i should really be a patient,
not a nurse.

sigh.

2010-07-18T17:50:00.002+10:00

I was always of the opinion that people were generally accepting of people in different situations to their own.
whether it's different income, different sexuality, different race, or different mental state.

turns out i was wrong.

most people i've told about my depression have been fine, not treated me any different.
actually, all of them have,

but i've noticed that one person in particular is very judgemental of anyone with a mental illness.
and it just makes me so angry.
they act like people choose to get a mental illness, like they want to be that way.

no one wants to be like this.

anyone who thinks so needs a smack around the head.

hidden//run away

2010-05-20T23:44:00.003+10:00

have you ever felt like you have to hide that you're friends with someone?
it's a pretty crappy thing.

i'm friends with this guy,
but i think if mitch knew how close we are,
he wouldn't be ok with it.

he's helped me out so much recently.
just purely by being so impartial.

---------------------------------------------
Pt. 2

i want to go away.
i want to start anew.
i'm sick of being there for everyone, and always having to consider them.
i'm sick of being told to grow up.

i think it's the scenery.
this place is associated with so much.
and i want to get away from it.
i don't want to be reminded of jail, and suicide, and broken relationships.
i don't want to.
i just don't.

i'm thinking of moving to. somewhere.
maybe singapore.
maybe jamaica. they speak english there, lol.

that'd be nice.

if you knew me.

2010-05-08T23:34:00.002+10:00

i've been contemplating recently, how people would react if they knew the intimate details of my mind.
all the things i've done.
all the things i think about doing.
my thought process.

it would be hard being presented with someone else's brain.
mainly because it works differently to yours.
but also because you're likely to come to one of three conclusions.
one) you're insane compared to them.
two) they're insane and you want to get away from them.
three) in the case of friends/family, you realise you don't know them at all.

there are a number of minds i would rather inhabit.
but i kind of like this one.
despite the fact that even i don't know who i am anymore.

i want to shout it out to the world.
i'm sick of keeping this a secret.
but no one would look at me the same,
and i would lose everyone.

well.
almost.

i'm not crazy

2010-05-04T20:30:00.002+10:00

i'm just a little unwell.

the meds are working, which is nice.
i havn't had a breakdown in a while.
and the only real issue is that i can't concentrate particularly well.
also: constantly tired.
but that might be my resp infection too.

i've been planning for next year,
figuring out where i'm going.
pretty much every rural hospital has been thrown out.
which means i'm becoming a melbourne kid.

i'm thinking of applying to NSW or SA.
just because.
well, not "just because"
but still.

Kevin passed away last night.
and Pat's going to palliative care.
funeral is on friday.

..

2010-04-27T22:41:00.002+10:00

two more by the end of the week.
fucking april.

how can i write 3000 with this over me?

dig deeper.

2010-04-08T23:52:00.003+10:00

BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZED

don't know why.
just am.
i think it's a combination of dehydration and sleep fail.
RAWRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRr
ohman.

ithinkiamnotwell.

the last few weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
i like muoltiple letterrrrsssss.

stop getting distracted.
the last few days i've been buzzed as/
and i cannot quite get it sorted.
despittee sleeeepppp
and trying to drink more.
OHGOD I FORGOT TO TAKE MY MEDS.

so you'll read this and think i'm drunk,
or intoxicated.
but i'm not.
i'm really just not well,.

oh wellll.
therapy in the morning. we'll deal then.

: to be less like me, and more like who i want to be

2010-03-09T23:10:00.002+11:00

so anybody who knows anything about teaching/changing behaviours knows that self-reflection is an incredible tool.
it's been over 2 months since i made my resolution.

and i havn't really changed.
this week i feel alright, but last week i was a basket case.

i think its a matter of accepting what is, rather than changing it.
i accept myself this week.

and that should count for something.
should.

so i've decided to modify my resolution
and taken some advice from a well known prayer.
(religion? me?)

God.
Grant me the serenity to accept the things i cannot change,
courage to change the things i can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.

gone the way of dinosaurs, hopes and dreams and everything.

2010-02-26T23:36:00.004+11:00

(i might not've fallen apart)

stupid MCS being sold out.
they're playing WA on sunday night.
i'm tempted.

i'm broken in more ways than one.
mainly due to reel big fish last night.
i nearly died.
well maybe died is an exaggeration.
but i was not in a good way.

i had pins and needles in my arms and my face.
at a later point i had drunk-numb face.
i was buzzing far more than i should've been.
i woke up hungover.
(despite the fact i didn't touch anything other than water all day.)

there's a crowd,
there's a crowd,
there's a crowd on my ward.

i don't trust my mental state at the moment.
there's a few things going on that remind me of '05.
a few actions,
a few thoughts.

i said no, but i don't know if it's because i wanted to or because i had to.
i think it's the wrong answer, despite the pain.
but i also think i need to stick with it anyway.
i don't think i could cope with saying yes.
not at this point,
not in my state.

if i stand too close, i might fall in,
but if i'm too far gone i'll never win

i can't win.
i'm going to hurt either way.
and i'm going to hurt others either way.
the only question is how and when.

the plot sucks
but the killings are gorgeous.

who has to know?

2010-02-22T20:44:00.002+11:00

so i was thinking about stealing the concept of a "dirty little secrets" blog from cerry, who stole it from someone else.
but then i thought, do i really have that many secrets? or at least ones i'm willing to share with the internet? or aren't too serious to bring you down?
and THEN i thought:

1) i think far to effing much. seriously. i plan everything several months in advance. not even important things, sometimes ridiculously insignificant things. and if, in my mind i've assumed that something will happen (even if it's better if it doesn't) i get confused and try to make the situation go according to plan.

2) i am RIDICULOUSLY obsessed with 3OH!3 at the moment. i know, their music is trashy, and their lyrics are terrible. but they're SO DAMN ADDICTIVE.

3) i think i could've been an awesome dancer if i'd actually done lessons. i don't know what it is. i just think i could've been awesome (and much fitter) if my parents had made me keep doing ballet.

4) despite the fact i think i'd have enough balance to be a decent dancer, i lack the coordination to ride a bike. no, not a motor bike. a bicycle. i'm going to teach myself by the end of march.

5) the rest of my secrets that are actually secrets, are far too character revealing for a place like the internet. i don't like all of them. not a single one cast me in a positive light, and might cause you to rethink whether you know me or not.

xo

cigarette burns, fast cars, fast women, and cheap drinks

2010-02-18T17:21:00.003+11:00

so turns out i'm lazy.
i tried to type "lazy" so you could see how i pronounced it, but i honestly cannot think of the letter comination that would make the right noise.
i feel cheated by the english alphabet.

ANYWAY, lazy.
it's been a month! (GASP)
no, not a month since i was at this stage of my menstrual cycle, silly.
a month since i've posted!
(honestly, how would taking a month to get to the same stage be counted as lazy? anyway.)

not a whole lot has happened.
wow, what a lie.

i went away (to be alone) from the 18th-26th
(i came back with answers. but not really.)
ANYWAY.
camping at Kilcunda = hilarious.
got fairly tipsy most nights.

fell and sprained my foot on the thursday, was on crutches for a week (supposedly)
it's a rock-pooling incident that could've ended up much worse, but luckily it didn't.
anyway, the moral of the story is don't injure yourself near wonthaggi, because their hospital is bollocks.
stupid doctors who decide to prove the intern wrong by injuring patients further.
stupid interns who send you away without a bandage on your nearly-double-sized foot.
stupid nurses who don't clean up the wound, despite the fact it's still bleeding.
DO NOT injure yourself there.

on to anglesea for a few more nights with the rovers.
many hills.
i ditched the crutches. it was too difficult to manouvre.
dave and macklin got nude-ed up, which was hilarious.
aside from that, my foot made it pretty uneventful.
couldn't go swimming :(

on to... pakenham!
only for one night.
stayed at mitch's grandparents o/n before big day out.
that's right, big day out on crutches.
AWESOME.

getting in the gates was a bitch.
getting around was alright, because people made way for the cripple :D
saw some good bands.
cursed porta-loo's.
was pretty cool.

and since then? not much.
got my implanon replaced, which ended up needing 2 stitches.

and now i'm waiting for uni to come back.
because i'm bored shitless.

oh, also, i'm now addicted to 3OH!3. i have no idea why.
also, reel big fish in a week :D

bed.

2010-01-18T00:31:00.002+11:00

i should really go to bed.
because it's 00:30.
and i'm a self loathing pit of despair at this point in time.
plus i'm going camping tomorrow.
and need to be conscious, etc.
wish me luck in learning to say no.
it's pretty important.

..

2010-01-10T18:31:00.003+11:00

one of hayden's friends died today.

it would make a little more sense if it'd been a car accident.

or he was being a douche.

but he fell in the shower.

it doesn't make any sense.

only time will tell

2010-01-08T17:26:00.002+11:00

so it's a new year.
this year WILL be different.

i can feel it.

i'm going to keep a chain on the drunken floozy inside.
i'm going to look after myself. especially my heart/s.
i'm graduating, and becoming a fully fledged nurse.

i can do it this year.

'twas the night before christmas..

2009-12-31T16:47:00.002+11:00

ok, lies.

night before christmas was a while back.

christmas was awesome.

only 5 christmases instead of 6, HURRAH.

new year tomorrow.

resolution?

to be less like me, and more like who i want to be.

you?

the rain's gonna wash away, i believe it.

2009-12-13T23:11:00.003+11:00

*emo*
i've recently realised that despite the fact that everything is changing, everything is staying the same.
zac still hasn't worked out his shit.
mitch still annoys me on occasion (although a lot less during holidays).
christmas is still a piece of bollocks.
and i really havn't matured in any noticable way.

the only real difference between now and 3 years ago, is that i know a bit more about the human body. which is a good thing. doing nursing and all.
i still giggle at feral jokes, i'm still a drunken whore, i'm still not motivated enough to do anything, i still don't have a decent coping mechanism.
i don't really understand how i'm a productive member of society.
i don't understand how people can stand to be around me.
i still don't like myself.

and i'm not saying all this to get sympathy. i'm just saying it because i need to, and if i say it to someone's face, they'll try to make me feel better.
i don't want to feel better.
i don't want it to be rationalized to make it ok.
i need to find a way to realise that maybe this won't work out.
and that it's shit, but it happens.
*/end emo*

fuckit. i've had enough of attempting to be deep.

what's been going on?
i finished uni for the year.
zac's off the planet, as usual.
christmas is coming up, not that it feels like it.
i'm too frigging poor to do anything.
and the fucking company that's supposed to be giving me my money is failing really hard.

i've been out partying a fair bit.
which is nice.
and i'm REALLY HUNGRY.
ohman.

i'm out, i need food.

frustration

2009-10-26T23:24:00.002+11:00

family sucks.
i'm sick of uni.
and i'm thinking of getting out.

i can't wait for bondi.

like riding a bike.. once you learn, you never forget.

2009-10-08T14:53:00.002+11:00

of course you don't forget how to ride a bike.
why the crap would you be stupid enough to do that??
because, as i've recently discovered, learning how to ride a bike is an incredibly frustrating process.
thus far i've mastered: braking.
i'm ok-ish at: straight lines, soft corners, avoiding trees/wheelie bins, getting going.
i suck balls at: corners equal to or greater than about 100 degrees, going up hills.
i'll get there though.
this year is clearly the "zebe's going to learn how to do things she should have learnt to do as a kid" year. because i know how to hula hoop now.
i still need to learn how to cartwheel though..
hm.

wait, what. wednesday?

2009-09-16T19:35:00.001+10:00

so i may have forgotten what day it is/was today
which meant i didn't go to fed sq, and see kisschasy/cat empire for free.
oh well.

i'm starving.

my feet hurt - i walked about 8km today.
i should've done it yesterday
and gone to the beach today instead.

not much going on.

dressing up as a pirate on saturday.
having a few drinks with the gang from school.

halloween wedding coming up

placement coming up
i'm petrified.
it's mental health.
so i have no idea how it'l go.

i'm going to go eat.
xo

season 3 = awesome

2009-09-09T18:05:00.002+10:00

i thought i'd escaped the whole feeling-relatively-poor thing when i left school.
but evidently not.
because everyone i've talked to seems to be applying for the 4 week nursing placement in london.
and seems to be able to pull $4000 plus flights/spending money/etc out of their ass.

your hand's not supposed to be on my ass.

2009-09-04T15:26:00.002+10:00

really, it's not.
ah, medball.

so here i am in the library, procrastinating.
i've managed to write about 1/6 of my assignment thats due on monday.
like, ACTUALLY due on monday. not due-on-friday-and-if-i-get-it-in-by-9am-monday-its-stamped-with-fridays-date, kind of due on monday.
so i'm doing ok.

i'm teaching myself to hula hoop.
i'm doing ok, but i can't figure out how to keep up the speed of the hoop.
and i'm going to teach myself how to ride a bike, i've decided.
because i'd get so much more exercise if i knew how.
i havn;t checked out the shed yet, so i've got my fingers crossed that theres a bike in there.

twas elena's funeral yesterday.
it was a really nice service.
i hope nina's alright.

we went to civic park with chups and fush afterwards.
and i got burnt.
which is annoying.
then the storm came out of absolutely nowhere.
so i drove home in that.
my first highway driving in months.
joyful.

aside from yesterday, i honestly can't remember the last time i drove on the highway.
i don't think i have since before uni started back this year.
seriously.
no, wait. it would've been after the med thing in the city.
i drove to churchill, leaving melb at 3am.
that was in like, april/may.

anyway. assignment.
xo

because obviously if you jam your hand between a door and a laptop, a bandaid will fix it.

2009-08-31T11:08:00.002+10:00

ooohhhh.
it's been a while, hasn't it?
ahh, procrastination, how i love thee.

so i went to medball sat night.
they has fire twirlers
and a cortortionist.
and live music
and it was awesome.
and i'm glad nobody took photos of me dancing.
lol.

but yeah.
not been up to much.
just a bit sick of people dying.
just because it's expected, doesn't make it any easier.
she was supposed to turn 50 in february.
boo cancer :(

don't have much to say
except that i need to get going on my assignment.
so i'll leave you here.
and post in another fortnight when my next assignments due, lol.

xo

2009-08-19T14:16:00.000+10:00

i got an email saying that mitch's school friends are going to tassie for holidays to re-do schoolies.
i think that's ridiculous, and decided to inform facebook of my opinion.

so now i feel very special for two reasons.
A) i'm having an ~~internet~~ facebook status argument, (that automatically makes you "special"), and
B) jacob pretty much said that i was the reason he didn't have fun at schoolies. i didn't know i meant that much to him.

oh, and eb cracked the sads because i didn't include her in my list of (two) people who made me not-bored at schoolies last time.

i laughed.
a lot.

it's 3am

2009-08-17T03:00:00.002+10:00

i must be lonely.

or more to the point, insane.
it's sunday night/monday morning.

i lied.
i havn;t finished my assignment.
i didn't hand it in on friday like i was supposed to.
i'm less than halfway through.

i'm such a fucking idiot.

2009-08-13T23:03:00.001+10:00

i have a bruised eye.
i have no idea how it happened.

How to solve problems.

2009-08-12T21:48:00.003+10:00

Problem: severe eczema on right hand.
Solution: See dermatologist. Get prescription for antibiotic (moderate spectrum, particularly for staphlococcus and streptococcal infections), prednisolone (reduce inflammation), and topical cortisol.
Get prescriptions filled, and hope like bejesus they work (because the ointment isn't on the PBS, and is ridiculously expensive apparently.)
Potential side effects: being poor.
Result: yet to be seen.

Problem: the world sucks, people suck, epic exhaustion.
Solution: Metaclopramide (10mcg), paracetemol (2g), screaming, bawling in the foetal position, punching the bed, icecream, giant glass of water.
Result: good. still have a headache though. i don't know how.

Problem: blog has been hacked. i.e. it now has pop-ups.
Solution: give up on funky blogskin, revert to the blogger ones.
Result: excellent.

please don't take a picture

2009-08-10T11:06:00.002+10:00

it's come to my attention that nobody actually cares what i say.

usually i can tell if i'm exaggerating something.
and this time i don't feel like i am.

new skin.

2009-08-04T22:34:00.002+10:00

you'd have to be blind to not notice i have a new skin.
blogskin that is.
and if you WERE blind, then i have no idea what you'd be doing on the internet.

anyway. my main issue with the other one was that it had the occasional pop up ad appear.
turns out that's still an issue.
i have NO idea why it happens, or how to stop it.
and it's frigging annoying.

AH SHIT
battery death.
i'm out before lappy dies.
xo

2009-08-02T23:42:00.002+10:00

nini's in flynn ward.
sigh.

back to uni tomorrow.
ugh.

sleep?
maybe.

i feel lost.
i don;t know what to do.
i need a hug.
or something.
i need to regroup.
i need to take a day and get away from it.
whether that's the beach
or getting lost in the masses.
i'm currently leaning towards the latter.
maybe i will go on thursday night.

2009-07-27T21:35:00.003+10:00

yesterday i was pumped, and needed to write in here to get shit off my chest.
but now it's drowned in my blood.
so i don't want to talk about it on the internet anymore.

i don't want us to not be friends.
it's my fault for not knowing how to be anymore.
but then it's his fault for getting into pot.
but probably both.

i don't want to lose any more friends.
not ones i can confide in.

i need to learn to shut my fucking mouth.
and i need to learn how to make it right.

convention

2009-07-08T23:52:00.002+10:00

mitch is at convention in brisVegas (as previously mentioned).
in the phone call on tuesday, he informed me that he's the only Monash person there, in a relationship, who hasn't kissed/made out with someone else.
i figured that if it would happen any night, it'd be tonight. especially since it's his birthday and he'll want some, and he's been drunk since about 8/9am. (have fun with your 9am lecture tomorrow, lol)
annddd he's spent the entire night getting (staying?) drunk with daniel.
so it's all good.
i'm no longer worried.
because he's been bragging all night about special birthday sex when he gets home.
(birthday being today.)
and he wouldn't fuck it up, and not get birthday sex, lol.

anyway. i just had to mention this to the world. i dunno why.

also of importance:
with breakky at convention, they serve Red Bull. and Gastrolyte.
so they can be not hungover, and not tired for the day's work.
i lol'd, so hard.

speaking of work:
8 down, 7 to go.
working PM tomorrow, AM friday, PM saturday.
then working monday-> weds
and then the sat.
and then back to uni.
not sure if i'll go to foxy's on saturday night.
if i do, there should be some interesting interactions.

i stole a pair of sterilized scissors from the hospital today.
so i can put them in my hip bag.
the hospital has decided that it's cheaper to throw out the scissors, and buy new ones
than it is to keep them and resterilize them!
insane.
AND the packet has an expiry date.

i feel like i have more to say.
but i need the loo.
and chances are, anything i want to say, i'm ignoring.
like the fact that a patient has a crush on me.
and anyway, it's 00.04. so i should REALLY go to bed.

ahh fuck, i need to put my uniform in the wash D:

placement

2009-07-06T23:07:00.002+10:00

yeah.
i'm on placement.
it's ok.
i'm working in Geriatrics.
which isn't really interesting.
but at least these oldies have goals
instead of just being there to die.

we have a guy with vancomycin resistant enterococci
and i remembered how to spell that without looking it up.
i'm learning the different drugs.
and how to write up the DD's
(drugs of dependance)
and to triple check stuff.
i gave some injections yesterday.
and helped with an ECG.

i also have the wonders of terrible shifts.
i'm not on night shift this placement
but i do get the wonders of late-earlies (22.30 finish, 0700 start.)
and shit like that.
i;m also getting into the habit of not swearing.
when i speak, anyway.

mitch is in bris-vegas for AMSA convention.
basically 0900-1700 lectures/workshops/panels/debates,
then 2000-god knows when, getting drunk in the clubs/pubs of brissy.
which is alright so far.
but he's only just gone, and won't be back for another week and a bit.
so on the 15th.

kate's birthday shindig occurred recently
by which i mean, on the 27th.
we were all pretty drunk pretty early.
mainly because it was dark, so it seemed acceptable.
and because it was fun.
we played kings cup.
one round, two of the rules were as follows:
1) you have to stand up to drink
2) you have to do the chicken dance when you finish drinking.
and i ended up getting the cup at the end.
which had skittle vodka and scotch in it.
mixed with softdrink of course.
but when i went to the loo, my lovely friend cornish filled it back up.
with straight scotch.
so i left it alone after that.

i saw The Hangover the other night.
funniest movie i've seen in years.
i mean, you see comedies, and you laugh a couple of times
or giggle a bit.
but this one, was belly laughs, the entire way through.
probably also because of it's ridiculousness.
i mean, come on.
a tiger in the bathroom.

i think that's about it.
placement.
kates.
mitch in brisvegas.
hangover.

yeah, sounds right.

xo

2009-06-17T20:18:00.002+10:00

there are many things i could/should be doing.
none of which involve making blogger conform to my wishes of a new template.
but i did it anyway.
dishes can wait, lol.

lies

2009-06-15T22:49:00.002+10:00

ok. so maybe my last post was incorrect.
but i really did have the intention of fixing up that picture meme.
AND doing a proper post.
however, you're stuck with this post instead.

i've finished assessments for first semester. except for placement, which i start on the 29th.
i'm petrified. and REALLY hoping to be placed in theatre.
i'm placed at southern health for mental next semester. that should be pretty cool.
means i'll be at clayton, moorabbin, dandenong, or berwick. and won't know til the week before. which is dodgy.
speaking of not knowing and being dodgy, i have to wait another week til i know what ward/roster i'll be on for the placement starting in 2 weeks. SIGH.

back to cute things:
bella stayed over on friday night. she covered my penguin in chocolate.
she's turning 3 in november, and is incredibly cute.
especially since she initially refused to give mitch, sam and jet goodbye kisses, but gave me a goodby kiss and cuddle.
you know what's not cute though? 4 year olds who put tupperware into the oven, and turn the oven on. *sigh*
i seem to like the word sigh?

med ball has been announced for the 29th of august. which means i have an excuse to not do anything for my birthday!
because the fact is, i'm sick of peacekeeping, and i don't like only inviting some people.
and this way, i can get drunk at telstra dome (sorry, ethihad stadium) with mitch, his uni mates, and rach (yes brie/cerry, rach is going to med ball. lol)

i discovered the fantasticness that is microwave cake in a mug.
it takes all of 5 minutes to prepare/cook.
you need a really big mug though.. or to make a half batch.
and it tastes just like steamed choccie pudding.

anyway. my life really isn't that interesting.
so i'm going to waste the next 30 mins or so on facebook, and slowly get ready for bed.
xo

coming soon:

2009-05-19T14:35:00.001+10:00

a picture based meme from cerry.
and maybe even a real post.

i hate april

2009-05-01T16:21:00.002+10:00

thats six now.
some more significant than others.
and this is one of them.
she had 6.5 months.
i don't know if they'll even remember her.

thank god it's may.

2009-04-19T23:18:00.001+10:00

I havn't seen a relevant secret in over a year.

2009-04-11T16:03:00.001+10:00

me: are you smelling my armpit?
mitch: yeah, it wasn't too bad.

wtf?

ill.

2009-04-05T21:27:00.000+10:00

so my tummy's been feeling funny most of the weekend.
and i have the beginnings of a deathly throat.
neither of which are being aided by the relatively copious amounts of Coke Zero ingested today.

what DID help, is that mitch was down this weekend.

i'm actually starting to believe that we can do this.
it's a good feeling.

2009-03-29T13:05:00.002+11:00

i have a pimple on my back.
right under where my bra sits.
it's killing me.

i also have many many many words of assignment due tomorrow that i should be doing.
but i'm a little seedy.

nothing a tooth-brush-ing wouldn't fix.

i did however have a fantastic night.
i have a partially ripped-off toenail, a bruised nose (it bled a bit at the time. i believe my third blood nose ever?), and general bruises/aches/pains.
there was much attacking of cornish, for funsies. (everything's for funsies)
so aside from calling the ambos for sam, it was alright.
she's ok, just started hyperventilating and couldn't stop.. we thought she might've had a reaction to the preservative in the wine, but apparently it was just random.

this pimple really hurts.

OH. and us girls spent a portion of the morning trying on wedding dresses/veils. and tim had a veil on, lol.
dresses is perdy.
kate's decided i shouldn't wear white. i kinda agree with her.

anyway, words wont write themselves.

xo

2009-03-26T22:28:00.002+11:00

did you not think, especially after last weekend, that i might want to talk to you?
i'm sick of you acting like you can do whatever you want, and apologise, and think that it will make everything better.
the fact is, if you keep fucking me around, i won't want to BE around.
i'd rather have nobody than deal with this every week for the next god knows how many years.
because this is worse.

i don't need a call every night. every other night will do.
but i can't deal if we only talk once every five days.
you know this.
and i'm tired of it.
i'm so tired.

social anxiety

2009-03-21T14:03:00.002+11:00

so i've been back at uni for a few weeks. only seen mitch twice since o week began, potentially won't see him again til easter.
it's shit, but what other choice is there?

jet's moved out of home. he's picking up the rest of his furniture today. so now i play they waiting game to find out whether there will be two or three people living under this roof next year.

uni's going pretty well, learning about injections and such.
i swore i'd be organised this year, but that hasn't happened.
i;m too busy keeping busy on the weeekends to actually get anything done.

i dressed up as clifford last weekend, but there aren't any photos of me fully dressed up, only after i took the paint off my face. and i'd recreate it, but i threw out the tail end of the costume. my shoes do still look like dog feet though.
i love themed 21st's. but i am getting a little sick of them.
thus, i;m not having one.

mitch is off getting pissed this weekend, as he does every weekend.
i figure i should do the same, if only to distract me.
so i'm going to the peacock street housewarming.
dressed as a 'palm reader'.

i want to keep writing, but i don't know what to say.
xo

2009-02-03T17:12:00.001+11:00

this is the part where we say ZOMG to the price of uni books.
3 units a.k.a. 1 semesters worth of books for me = $546.47
ZOMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

so. how's your booklist looking?

long time, no post.

2009-01-31T13:21:00.002+11:00

i suppose i should vaguely summarise whats been going on?
toolies was drunken/boring.
mitch got into med.
christmas was boring.
new years was drunken.
(seeing a recurring theme here?)
jan has been hot.
especially now.
especially with the fires.
with boolarra being partially destroyed.
and churchill having 3 town meetings in 36 hours.

it's a bit shit.

also, my desk drawer has fallen to pieces, and we have no wood glue.

there's only so much people can take

2008-11-11T21:14:00.004+11:00

YOU'RE A FUCKING DICK HEAD. GROW THE FUCK UP YOU USELESS PIECE OF SHIT.
you're about as useful/valuable as tits on a cow. infact, less so.
just leave her/us alone, would you?

insert applicable blink182 lyric here

2008-11-09T23:29:00.002+11:00

i don't know who i'm becoming.
or more to the point,
i don't want to know.
because maybe if i ignore it,
it'l go away.
but i know it won't.
which leaves me with the dilemma
of whether to ignore it
and hope it disappears,
or to embrace it.
but i know i can't embrace it
not after i got rid of it.

i wish i had someone to talk to.
someone who wouldnt be a conscience
and would just realise i need a hug.

2008-10-29T13:06:00.001+11:00

This is a ranting thing.
If you don’t want to listen to it, switch off now.

I read the paper today, and I got incredibly pissed off.
*//startrant*

WATER
* john brumby is refusing to put Melbourne on stage 4 water restrictions. Why? I can't actually figure out. He swears there will be enough water for us all. Sure, once he takes it from rural communities, because they OBVIOUSLY don’t need water, especially not to farm with. Obviously. Plus, its obvious he's scared that if he puts Melbourne on stage 4, he'll lose popularity with the people. Well, guess what. MAKING US RUN OUT OF WATER WILL MAKE YOU EVEN LESS POPULAR. Idiot.

OBESITY
*they've made two tablets which can turn off the "fat-multiplying" gene. You know, to treat obesity with. Here’s a clue, we already have a cure for obesity. It's called looking after yourself. You know, decent food, and exercise. I can understand in some cases where it might be necessary. But for fucks sake. It doesn’t fix ANYTHING, it will just make the owner of the drug extraordinarily rich, because next generation and the generation after that WON'T KNOW HOW TO LOOK AFTER THEMSELVES.

TEH INTERTUBEZ
* they're putting a blanket ban on the Internet, preventing certain sites (e.g. euthanasia, pro-ana/mia) from existing on the Internet. Then they're putting a second (optional) level on, which is essentially a kiddie ban.
I have no issue with this (except, are we becoming china?). I have an issue with the fact it won't work. You CANNOT ban face/space/vf/blogger/xanga/lj/etc.. They will NOT be covered by the kiddie ban. Now think for a second. If these controversial sites are banned, what will the people who frequent them do? Gosh, it would just be LOGICAL to assume they'd create face/space/vf/blogger/xanga/lj/etc groups about it. I mean, more so than there already are.
It's not going to fucking work. They’re forcing sites that kids would rarely see into mediums that kids will ALWAYS see. There was always a presence (hell-o, millions of pro-ana/mia rings on xanga, etc) but this will be more obvious than ever. It means that "featured groups" are more likely to be on controversial issues. This isn’t fucking protecting kids. It's being a cocksucker.

*//endrant*

on a more feral note, why? <--clicky

2008-10-13T23:28:00.002+11:00

i never know what to write in here.
i never know who's reading,
what i'm allowed to say,
and what i should hold inside.

heather's got cancer.
its some pretty serious shit.
cross your fingers she gets closer to 5 years, rather than 6 months?
she just wants her grandkids to remember her.
xo

nicotine, valium, vicodin, marajuana, extacy and alcohol

2008-09-30T16:43:00.003+10:00

i got my assignments done, finally. yay!!

not much interesting on lately.

except for nina's last weekend. which was incredibly interesting, to say the least.
YAY for 2am(?) maccas!
and lolz at em and caitlan for ditching.
and then realising in the morning that all their stuff was in cornish's apartment.
and he was still at ninas.
baha.
also, spa was reaaaalllyyy warm.

its my brothers 21st today. he got the entire season of Flying Circus from sam. pretty awesome.

also, ritchies has 900g bags of m&ms for $6-7. mum brought 3 bags. i want to vomit.

i cant wait for mitch to crash tonight.
xoxo

cya all at igi's on sat?
where i will not be smoking.

warning: extreme stereotyping/generalisations

2008-09-17T23:03:00.003+10:00

** white people suck because they took indig people away from their families
* in the long run, indig have a better life/quality of life. if only they'd stop drinking and drug-ing
** oh, but white people introduced indig to alcohol, etc, so its their fault indig are so dependant on them
* no, indig chose to take them
** but indig grew up in that environment, dont know any better
* so use your own brain. white people did. thats why indig people dont get shot just for being indig anymore.

this is something how i imagine my conversation with my tutor will go, if it ever comes up.
seriously though.
indigenous people do not take responsibility for their own lives. they think they can blame not knowing any better, because thats how they've been brought up. well too fucking bad.
if we all continued on blindly following how we'd been brought up, we'd all be unable to walk from being caned, we'd all be raging alcoholics, we'd all be abusing eachother, we'd still be shooting aboriginals, just for being aboriginal.
but we didnt.
we used our own fucking brains, and thought for ourselves.
we thought, "this sucks, lets try something else"
and you know what? it worked.

gripe number 2 about indig people.
they get too much welfare.
they get the the same as us, which is enough to live on (barely, but it is)
and then they get extra for being indigenous. and then have the guts to complain they dont have enough money. too fucking bad! get off your ass, put the petrol down, and get a fucking job! dont complain you dont have enough education to, you can be a fucking miner, and get bucketloads of money. then, pay for your kids to go to school. so they can do something with their life, like you supposedly never had a chance to.
newsflash: the chance was there. you just didnt take it.

argh. angry motherfuckers.

2008-09-14T14:37:00.002+10:00

placement was gooodly.
much interesting-ness. including dressing wounds that have gone through to the adipose tissue.

also, last night was awesome.
thanks for coming.
except for those who didnt come.
and especially those who still didnt rsvp. cough, taylin, cough.

but yes. now i have to write my essay.
and deal with the pain of a ripped-off toenail.
it effing hurts.

i dont have much to say.

uni again

2008-08-28T10:12:00.002+10:00

yeah, killing more time
which i shouldnt do
i should do that assignment thats due tomorrow.
that i havn't started.

i swore i wouldnt do that this semester..
sigh

i have placement on monday. im scared. lots.

i want to curl into a ball and cry.
that's probably got something to do with the lack of sleep on tuesday night. 2.5-3 hours, WHOOO.
first train out sucks.
it means i had to get up at 0530, and was on a met train at 0605(just got it.)
(i'm trying to get into the habit of 24hour time.)

anyways.
for those who actually remembered my birthday and werent reminded by myspace/facebook/whatever, thanks muchly :)
it was a pretty shit day
but oh well.
oh, and i might finally have a memory card that works for my camera this afternoon :)
(i got a digital camera for my birthday. just an old refurbished one, but it does the job and thats what matters. also discovered after 3 trips to kmart and 1 to officeworks that Olympus xd cards dont work in fujifilm cameras.)

anyways. i'm out.

xox

lampshade is god.

2008-08-24T21:11:00.003+10:00

we all looked like sex.
and acted it.

but hey, look at the host.

1 week since you looked at me

2008-08-21T10:24:00.002+10:00

ok, maybe more like a month.
so maybe i suck at regular posting.
but i did notice that rice cakes look kinda like dried and sliced brain.
not that i know what that looks like. but i imagine.

anyways.. lol.
how've you all been?
i'm alright.
just doing the uni thing.
and have placement soon, which im shitting myself about..
its in sale. my 5th pref. out of 6.
ohh well.

i saw wicked yesterday!!!!!
it was freaking awesome!
it'd have been nice to be a bit closer, but i'm still happy i could see the stage.
(man i'm hungry)

i saw nicole and cornish too :)

also, last weekend when you were all at emily's, i was at a sst reunion! yay for reunion.
it was pretty much awesome. so much coke. ahh, the hyper-ness.
andddd on the friday 15th i went to school. we had so much cake/softdrink/m&ms
it was awesome.
and i wore one of my new dresses.
thats right, hot pink mini bubble dress from supre.

i dont know what to write. i feel wierd.
i think i'll leave it there.
miss you guys.

maybe i'll start a meth lab

2008-07-23T09:34:00.004+10:00

i have 25 mins to kill before my next lecture.. maybe i should do a semi-decent post?
pah, it'l kill time for me even if no one reads it.

so, mitch turned legal. YAYYY!!!
i'm now allowed to sleep in his room, YAAAAAYYY!!!!
he had some people over on the night of his actual birthday which was goodly. had a few drinks. you know how i get when i've had a few.. i get honest.
so: me, pho, mormon, strawbs are sitting in the laundry having a conversation about fantasies.
note that mitch's 13.y.o. brother was sitting in the laundry with us.
...yeah. hilariously awkward.
also hilariously awkward was when mitch was cutting the cake and every one started yelling out references to dormans. (dorman reference=me and mitch not realising strawbs was awake.. ahem.)
anyway, so references were yelled, while his folks were standing there.
and THE LIST was started.

uhm, after that was james' 19th. which was goodly
and i got somewhat intoxicated, incase you couldnt tell (cornish only just realised last night.. lol)
THE LIST was continued.. lol

then it was back to uni. the smelly pirate of a bastard.
this semester i have:
*anatomy and physiology
*legal
*practical subject and
*indigenous studies.

OHMYGOD MY TUTOR FOR INDIG IS A FUCKING WANKER.
he's indian. like, not indian born in australia, indian recently came to australia.
he is so fucking passionate.
and STUPID.
he's decided that even though theres fossil evidence showing we all evolved out of africa, that since indig have been in aus for 40,000+ years, we all came out of australia.
someone mentioned the possibility that indig were responsible for the extinction of mega fauna. he got so stupidly defensive, like we were blaming HIM for global warming or somthing!

anyways. i only have to deal with him for 9/10 more weeks.

uhm. next major? MARB. marb for the win.
marb=metropolitan area rover ball
rover=18+ version of scouts
=funnnnnnnnn
so, the theme was Its Not Easy Being Green.
me& mitch went in green bag clothes.
there was shrek and fiona
and gumnut babies
and a wind turbine
and flubber
and a penis.
(just to name a few.)
and sarah simon was there! (she'd just got back from eurpoe.)
in conclusion: affiliate yourself with a rover crew so you can go to marb.
because 500 people getting drunk together, screaming out "suck me off slooooooooowly" in unison, is fucking fun.
not to mention the band was alright.

ok, im gonna stop going on about marb now.. i'll calm down.. im nearly jumping off my seat.. and i dont think the library likes it.
ahem.

anyways.

lily is engaged!!!!!!! YAYYYY!!!!!

ohhh, and i saw the dark knight on friday! i wont say much, coz i dont want to spoil it.
but its amazing. and heath ledger looks surprisingly good in a nurses costume.
and i saw hancock last night, which was also good. but kinda stupid.. it was like they got just over halfway through and are like: what the fuck do we do now?

anyway, i gotta go, coz i have a lecture soon.
woot, legal!! (thats actually a genuine woot)

im out.
cya when aimee gets back?
xox

hookers can't tap dance or speak spanish

2008-07-21T22:04:00.002+10:00

ole`!

marb wins at life.

if you ever get a chance to get drunk, wearing green bags, with your s/o and 500 strangers..
do it.
oh, and sarah simon.

2008-07-07T00:13:00.001+10:00

ahhhhhh fuckit

i might have mentioned

2008-06-23T16:23:00.001+10:00

i had an assignment due a couple of fridays back
i started it at 10am the day it was due (at 5pm)
pretty sure i royally fucked it.

got the results back.
80%
that a HD.
(barely, but it is.)

epic lolz

james' 19th - promises

2008-06-22T23:51:00.003+10:00

i will not steal 1/3 of naomi's cowgirl. (i'll bring my own)
i will not have sex on the spare bed (and wont let emily open any unexpected doors)
i will not miss singing happy birthday because of emily ("where'd my dress go?")
i will be completely sober before driving home.

memo to self: lose weight

2008-05-27T18:10:00.002+10:00

so i pretty much hate myself at the moment.
i'm a fat slug.
with no friends.
no coping method.
and insomnia.
and it'll be even uglier next year.

xox

explain to me..

2008-05-17T01:05:00.001+10:00

why won't they let him home?
the kids need their father/father figure.
he's good with them
he loves them, so much
and they obviously love him.
so what if he smacked brit? ratbag kids need a smack every now and then.
but he doesnt deserve to be kicked out by the gov't.
he has nowhere else to stay.
so every night, around midnight, he bike rides into churchill from morwell, and sleeps there.
he;s not meant to but what the hell else can he do? sleep at his dad's place? i dont think so. not when that bastard is the reason his life is so fucked.
so he disobeys the govt. for a few hours sleep.
he has to be gone before the kids get up, or they'll find out, and he won't be allowed home ever again.

its not a justice system. its a legal system.
and its fucking him over.

[everyone pray for justin. please.]

real and untouched

2008-05-12T16:39:00.002+10:00

brrrrrr
its cold.
i should put a jumper on.

i miss bella. she was here this weekend. as in, stayed last night. man she's cute. almost makes me want one myself.
almost.

uni's the same as always.
we should catch up in warra when we've got mid year breaks.. sound goodly?
movies/maccas/safeway/bbq icecream in civic.. the usual.

anyways.
toolies, yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!
im pretty excited for summer to come back. i miss it so much.
fingers crossed i still fit into my bather top.

being sick sucks. muchly.
dont get sick.
like i said, it sucks.

anyways, im off to go figure out a day for us to meet up.
email to follow.

missing you all.
xoxox

faggot

2008-04-21T21:15:00.002+10:00

its my new favourite word.

anybody else got a new word/new favourite word they want to share?

selfish little whore

2008-04-13T23:40:00.001+10:00

long time no post!
so, how are your purple monkeys?

im thinking i'll actually give some idea of my life in the past month or so.
because im bored. not because i think you'll be interested.

ok. folks left to go to NZ for a touch over a fortnight.
freezer died.. epicly.

emma's 21st/engagement 8/3
pretty much won at life.
it was so good to catch up to everyone, and be punched in the boob. [by the way, i dont think i ever complimented you on your speech justi.. lol.]
how much could anthony NOT get over the beard?? although it was kinda ikky.
for those who care: my bag still smells like beer.

naomi's bald-ing 15/3
nomi did shave for a cure.
i won a prize in the raffle, which i gave to soph.
came home and my brother had mates over. so i got drunk with them.
and slammed my head on the ground. fuck that hurt.
as did the hangover. eh such is.

dukes of windsor 19/3
came to play at the union lounge. was way fun!!
paige's boyfriend brought me drinks.,
and i got a whole bunch of randoms to sing happy birthday to alia.
that was the night kahlee pointed out to everyone that in the south rez, the toilets in them have tampon incinerators.
not just bins. but INCINERATORS.
kinda funny.

easter 20-23/3
i pretty much spent every second with mitch.. :)
sunday was spent in melb with his family [lunch with ruth's family, tea with gerry's folks]
lots of chocolate..
also, played a ps3.. i wasnt that impressed.

easter was followed by a week of nothing. [aka holidays]
oh, and parents got back easter monday.

co&cam 1/4
at the billboard.
oh fuck it was good.
i nearly lost my bra a few times
and was drenched in my/other people sweat.. but it was worth it.
lydia had to be lifted out of the mosh.
and ohmygod, the hair was epic.
you know what else was epic? The FInal Cut.
it was a 20 min version, with 7 min drum solo in the middle..mental.

other things from the night:
-guys wallet in girls loos.
-2 skanky girls got in for free, and were like "oh, who was that? they were ok.." wankers.
-running along, singing, dancing, down swanston street. some guy asks me for a hug.
me: NO
him: why not?
me: because its melbourne at midnight, and i dont know you! STRANGER DANGER, STRANGER DANGER!!!
-turns out the last train to pakky on tuesday nights is at midnight, not 1am like the fucking website said. all together now: FUCK. but we magicked our way to pakky station, and i drove us home without crashing.

this weekend gone 4-6/4
my brother, his wife, and their 18 month old daughter stayed over friday and saturday nights..
so many baby kisses. nawww..
also: the official name, as spoken by mummy and daddy, is uncle mitch.

sat night we[me&mitch] went to PJs for tea for francis's birthday. much eating and laughing.
she had tardis' as centerpieces.
after that was the trek to toon-town for dormans party.
much drinking, and much talking to steven.
mitch spilt stevens Pulse on the ground. me and steven dared eachother to lick it up, the theory being the germs would be killed already and thus it wouldnt harm.
so, we licked up Pulse from the garage floor.
[in case its not obvious, i was kinda trashed]
ebony had a flashing martini glasss that i used.
aparently mitch yelled at me heaps?
and my tent is officially CURSED

sunday = SLEEP

----
so. thats my life in a nutshell.
no, its not really.
my life also contains a nursing degree that i currently have no enthusiasm for, assignments that i also have no enthusiasm for, and a need for the beach.
also contains the beginnings of plans to be a toolie.
and a lack of friends in day to day life.

how's you?
xox

bah, humbug

2008-03-17T12:41:00.002+11:00

im sick of lying all the time.
its only little white lies, but they're everywhere.

but then i think: if i dont lie, i'll hurt/upset too many people.

dig me now, fuck me later

2008-03-11T22:15:00.002+11:00

not feeling too good.
you'll see.

the body is a magnificent thing

2008-02-18T23:24:00.002+11:00

somehow our brain has developed a way to prevent yourself from knowing that you're shit scared of something, until its almost time to do that something.
e.g. uni.
ive been fine with it, but just the other day i realised how scared i am.
you guys are all up in melbourne, and whilst you dont have your family to rely on, you're only a 30 min train ride and $2.20 from being able to catch up for 2 hours. every single one of you.
i, on the other hand, am at a university where the people i know i dont particularly like, and am 2 hours and $20 away from all of you. i also have the disadvantage of being ridiculously shy when i dont know anybody, thus making it damn near impossible for me to make friends of my own accord.
im fucking scared.

01:06

2008-02-07T01:05:00.000+11:00

so tired...
also: internet wont be up for 5 days during the move.
because australis are wankers.

have a good weekend everyone!

deathly tired.

2008-02-03T22:35:00.001+11:00

yay, confliction!

original pringles DONT make everything better..

2008-01-18T21:06:00.000+11:00

aloha minions!
how are you this fine/cloudy summers day?

aaaaanyways..

second blog of 08, whoo!!
first whole packets of 08, BLERGGGHHHHHH..
first time i saw mitch for 08, FINALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
so, mitch got home from germany today.
twas pretty cool.
missed the train
so dad drove me to pakky
[thanks dad :) (not that you read this.. but shush.)]
and i got a met train in.
then spent 2 hours waiting in the airport for mitch to get through customs.

spent the day with mitch at his place.
he brought me pretty european undies :)
haha, he didnt buy you any :P
speaking of which, laura must die.
she instructed him wrongly.
...not that she'd know what kind of bra i wear, but anyways!

we just bummed around and did absolutely nothing, except he unpacked while i lazed around and threw socks at him.
and we nuggled lots.

[[OH GOD ZEBE PUT THE FUCKING PRINGLES DOWNNN!!!!!!!!!!]]

so, i feel sick..
blehhhhhhhhh.
well. im gonna piss offf and gather things for tomorrow night so i dont have to tomorrow.
and im gonna fold more junk mail. bleh.

oh, and heres the part where i remember why i started this particular post:
enter = goodly [77.55]
course = what i wanted [Bachelor of nursing/rural health @ monash gippsland]

annnd... IM OUT!
much love :)
xoxoxo

you got me dancin' and cryin'

2008-01-04T12:12:00.000+11:00

first post of 2008. WOOT!
dont know why its exciting but thats not the point, is it?
the point is that we're in a leap year
and this is another year full of 18ths
and uni [hopefully]
and mitch
and all that kinda jazz
oh, and moving house
not so sure if im happy on that one, but what can do?
such is, ey?

so, mitch is still in germany, but its only a fortnight til we can huggle again :)
and more importantly.. do.. other things? *cough*
i dont know how thats more important, but thats besides the point.
the point is that i miss him and cant wait for him to be home :)

so, new years eve much?
spent a bit of it looking after drunk cornish
and being bitten by mozzies.
spent not enough time sleeping
then had to drive home on 1 hour or so sleep.
james got a black eye.. lol
dan didnt show. not surprised, she never does.

im gonna melt the fever, sugar.
xox, zeve.

gonna make you dance till you bleed

2007-12-25T22:20:00.000+11:00

christmas wasnt as bad as first anticipated.
in fact, it was enjoyable.

[you would have made it better though]

2007-12-24T21:56:00.000+11:00

merry mc-fucking christmas

Max Brooks' Top 10 Lessons for Surviving a Zombie Attack

1. Organize before they rise!
2. They feel no fear, why should you?
3. Use your head: cut off theirs.
4. Blades don’t need reloading.
5. Ideal protection = tight clothes, short hair.
6. Get up the staircase, then destroy it.
7. Get out of the car, get onto the bike.
8. Keep moving, keep low, keep quiet, keep alert!
9. No place is safe, only safer.
10. The zombie may be gone, but the threat lives on.

Ceiridwen Redman's Top 10 8 Lessons for Surviving a Zombie Attack
#1 - IT'S BEHIND YOU
#2 If the light in a room isn't working, DON'T GO IN
#3 Bullet proof glass and monster proof glass are two different things
#4 Never split up to look for the monsters. As soon as you do this, the monsters will start picking you off one by one
#5 Never assume that the person who left the room 5 minutes ago and the person who just entered the room that would appear to be them are
#6 If it kills its victims, then assumes their shape, the near dead corpse on the floor is not a victim. It's a monster just pretending so that it can kill you when you come over to help
#7 Hot strangers you meet in the middle of a monster rampage are probably monsters in disguise. Don't sleep with them
#8 Just cause you cured someone of their possessedness/werewolfness, it doesn't mean that they're actually cured. Do not sleep with them

i retract my previous statement.

2007-12-16T11:55:00.000+11:00

which one do i retract you ask?
several!
so here's my chance to clear up any misconceptions i may have caused.
--> no, i didnt actually go home last night as planned
--> no, i didnt stay entirely sober last night as planned
--> optus aren;t quite such cunts. they fixed my credit thing without me having to call india

in other news: i'm hungry
and sleeepy
and mildly shitty.
well, not so much shitty..
moreso confused/tired/hungry
all rolled into one.
with confused prevailing.

i'm in the market for a new skin.
*looks brie's way*

schoolies was awesome for those that havn't realised yet.

mitch is still in germany for those who've had the good fortune to not listen to me whinge.
[last night was my complain-about-how-long-its-been-since-ive-had-sex night.]

ahah, anyways. junk mail and food and eventually sleep calls.
then im going to decorate a christmas tree.
hopefully its better than the one next to me.

optus

2007-12-14T21:43:00.000+11:00

is gay.
fucking cunts stole all of my credit.
i put $30 on it this arvo.
sent 5/6 texts.
BANG
its gone.
fuckers.
cunts
wankers.
screw this.

i could be a heart attack, a callous act

2007-12-13T23:35:00.000+11:00

so. stuff. ey?
results on monday.
kinda scared.
do you blame me?
i'll probably ring miatchy.

in other news, im going into the 'gon tomorrow.

[p.s. qld was boring, for those that were wondering.]

well blogger is an artard...

2007-11-19T17:31:00.001+11:00

wtf is going on there?
blogger wouldnt let me into my account.
idiots.
but i sorted it.
so its ok.
in other news, nearly time for the prom!
yay!

english 07

2007-11-02T15:06:00.000+11:00

its over.

question:

2007-10-18T18:40:00.000+10:00

what do you do when everything you know is ending?

Do you spend your days counting the hours you're awake?

2007-10-14T18:37:00.000+10:00

igis was good.
well, not entirely.
but i sexy danced.
and tequila-d.
and realised how much going out without mitch sucks.
but i can control myself.

i woke up with a swollen eye.

i miss mitch so much
[thank god he loves me]

a certain someone is a whore.

im going to see TOC.

im freaking tired.

sick

2007-09-26T21:32:00.000+10:00

title says it all really.
of being ill, being cold, being alone at night. of everything.

2007-09-11T22:35:00.000+10:00

*tired
*shitty
*cold
*fuck you all

summer vs. winter

2007-09-01T20:07:00.000+10:00

today was the first day of spring.
and im bloody freezing
yet the past two WINTER weeks have been warm and even on the verge of hot.
explain that one?

also in the pile of wanted explanations:

why do people put up with my "honesty"?
how on earth did i manage to live to 18?
why didnt people buy me more iTunes vouchers?
Why do we want to believe that there is something more than mortal beings?

last one was a touch random, but meh

i hate these days.

lately..

2007-08-20T22:08:00.000+10:00

well.
im nearly 18
im nearly legal.
i dont feel any different.
perhaps a

little . - . more . - . detached

but nothing REALLY extraordinary
also: i disagree with you.
i am no worse or better off.

in other news: nearly 2 years. much l♥ve my sexy button.

2007-06-24T15:01:00.000+10:00

anything interesting?
didnt think so.

2007-06-02T14:53:00.000+10:00

reason number 1834 for me to not touch drugs:
last night.
im bad enough as it is.

how is people?
i is doing kinda ok.
as in, im still alive.
i think thats good.
yeah, its good.

i dont know why [you] bother.
but thankyou.
it means so much more than you'll ever know.

SST07 auditions are today/tomorrow.
im not going.
tis pooey.

habits are hard to break.

exchange? planes? boats? wooden doors? oh.. you mean cizitenship!

2007-05-08T23:07:00.000+10:00

i havnt properly posted in ages.
went to see cirque, it kicked ass.
english is being gay
but im going to go slep now so im not dead for issues Point OF View tomorow.
orals are soon.
i miss mitch
[we're still together, YAY!]
im not subtle, thats for sure.
im the dead-feeling
im living on 6-7 hours sleep.
tisnt fun
adolescents are meant to get 8-10
oh well
shit happens
under 4 months til im 18
6 months, 1 day and my exams are over
i miss mitch
i need sleep
grant is funny
i miss mitch
maddy didnt wear black
i miss mitch.
gsx1billion. SPA

2007-04-18T22:08:00.000+10:00

i'm SO unbelievably tired
and SO unbelievably stressed
and SO unbelievably cold
and SO unbelievably resistant

yes its identical to vf.. MEH

2007-04-02T12:18:00.000+10:00

in the paper today, [[herald sun, page 14, bottom right, for those playing at home]] there is an article saying how these people have accidentally overdosed on paracetemol.
now, i dont claim to be the most knowlegable in the matter, but if i didnt die after 30+, and bec didnt afet 50+, how the fuck can someone take that many BY ACCIDENT???
its impossible!
yeah, i get that these peoples families like to think it was an accident, but wake up! you cant accidentally swallow 100 panadol, after it says on the packet NO MORE THAN 12 PER DAY!!

sigh.. people need to open their eyes.
or maybe not, its too funny for me!

[also in the paper, an emo 14 year old wrote in whinging that he was being picked on and that "people should stop picking on emos"]

im out guys, cya the other side of wednesday!
[for those who dont know, im up to melb for a few days]

2007-03-29T17:04:00.000+10:00

Why do we want to live in a fantasy?
There’s a better place for you and me right here in reality.

Rain From Nowhere - Murray Hartin

2007-03-22T19:49:00.000+11:00

His cattle didn't get a bid, they were fairly bloody poor,
What was he going to do? He couldn't feed them anymore,
The dams were all but dry, hay was thirteen bucks a bale,
Last month's talk of rain was just a fairytale,
His credit had run out, no chance to pay what's owed,
Bad thoughts ran through his head as he drove down Gully Road

"Geez, great grandad bought the place back in 1898,
"Now I'm such a useless bastard,I'll have to shut the gate.
"Can't support my wife and kids, not like dad and those before,
"Christ, Grandma kept it going while Pop fought in the war."
With depression now his master, he abandoned what was right,
There's no place in life for failures, he'd end it all tonight.

There were still some things to do, he'd have to shoot the cattle first,
Of all the jobs he'd ever done, that would be the worst.
He'd have a shower, watch the news, then they'd all sit down for tea
Read his kids a bedtime story, watch some more TV,
Kiss his wife goodnight, say he was off to shoot some roos,
Then in a paddock far away he'd blow away the blues.

But he drove in the gate and stopped - as he always had
To check the roadside mailbox - and found a letter from his Dad.
Now his dad was not a writer, Mum did all the cards and mail
But he knew the style from the notebooks that he used at cattle sales,
He sensed the nature of its contents, felt moisture in his eyes,
Just the fact his dad had written was enough to make him cry.

"Son, I know it's bloody tough, it's a cruel and twisted game,
"This life upon the land when you're screaming out for rain,
"There's no candle in the darkness, not a single speck of light
"But don't let the demon get you, you have to do what's right,
"I don't know what's in your head but push the bad thoughts well away
"See, you'll always have your family at the back end of the day

"You have to talk to someone, and yes I know I rarely did
"But you have to think about Fiona and think about the kids.
"I'm worried about you son, you haven't rung for quite a while,
"I know the road you're on 'cause I've walked every bloody mile.
"The date? December 7 back in 1983,
"Behind the shed I had the shotgun rested in the brigalow tree.

"See, I'd borrowed way too much to buy the Johnson place
"Then it didn't rain for years and we got bombed by interest rates,
"The bank was at the door, I didn't think I had a choice,
"I began to squeeze the trigger - that's when I heard your voice.
"You said 'Where are you Daddy? It's time to play our game'
"' I've got Squatter all set up, you might get General Rain.'

"It really was that close, you're the one that stopped me son,
"And you're the one that taught me there's no answer in a gun.
"Just remember people love you, good friends won't let you down.
"Look, you might have to swallow pride and get a job in town,
"Just 'til things come good, son, you've always got a choice
"And when you get this letter ring me, 'cause I'd love to hear your voice."

Well he cried and laughed and shook his head then put the truck in gear,
Shut his eyes and hugged his dad in a vision that was clear,
Dropped the cattle at the yards, put the truck away
Filled the troughs the best he could and fed his last ten bales of hay.
Then he strode towards the homestead, shoulders back and head held high,
He still knew the road was tough but there was purpose in his eye.

He called for his wife and children, who'd lived through all his pain,
Hugs said more than words - he'd come back to them again,
They talked of silver linings, how good times always follow bad,
Then he walked towards the phone, picked it up and rang his Dad.
And while the kids set up the Squatter, he hugged his wife again,
Then they heard the roll of thunder and they smelt the smell of rain.

T,K&SP - 7? we'll see.

2007-03-21T22:01:00.000+11:00

wow. so much has happened since i posted.
parents went to tassie, and i had some people over. thats as much as i'd like to say on that topic.
had relay for life, which was way fun. not much sleep, but we moshed to the wiggles. well, a band that played their music. we bawled [cried], twas fun.
so much personal shit has happened, its still being sorted out.
hopefully its all ok.

im off to slep.

p.s. brie stop posting so much.
p.p.s. annie kudos for secret :D

family reunion.

2007-03-08T20:48:00.000+11:00

found out on sunday that nan went into hospital. fully forgot until last night.
not blocked it out.
but forgot. simply because i dont care about her.
i care more about whether mitch's nana lives or dies than about my own nan.
disturbing much?

anyone else had this happen? or similar?

2007-03-06T17:47:00.000+11:00

woah. havnt posted in a while.
the long and the short of it is ive been having fun.
had a mini drama last nihgt but hopefull my head/heart has sorted themselves out.
i'm disgutingly unhealthy.
and im 3 weeks away from mitchs deb,
2 months away from shaving my head and cirque du soliel,
and 6 months away from being 18.
im also shit scared. but i spose that comes with the territory.. right?

2007-02-23T18:58:00.000+11:00

many things were killed today.
my wrist.
an ant.
a thought.

but worst of all, i found out an old friends boyfriend died.
i thought i didnt care about her anymore.
but this has just made me realise we cant let friendships die.
what if it had been her?